Ritesh’s Technical Blog

God And Microsoft

Posted on: September 19, 2008

1. In the beginning God created the Bit and the Byte. And from those
he created the Word.

2. And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed. And
God separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was good.

3. And God said – Let the Data be; And so it happened. And God said –
Let the Data go to their proper places. And he created floppy disks
and hard disks and compact disks.

4. And God said – Let the computers be, so there would be a place to
put floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks. Thus God created
computers and called them hardware.

5. And there was no Software yet. But God created programs; small and big.
And told them – Go and multiply yourselves and fill all the Memory.

6. And God said – I will create the Programmer; And the Programmer will
make new programs and govern over the computers and programs and Data.

7. And God created the Programmer; and put him at Data Center; And God
showed the Programmer the Catalog Tree and said You can use all the
volumes and subvolumes but DO NOT USE Windows.

8. And God said – It is not Good for the programmer to be alone. He took
a bone from the Programmer’s body and created a creature that would look
up at the Programmer; and admire the Programmer; and love the things the
Programmer does; And God called the creature: the User.

9. And the Programmer and the User were left under the naked DOS and it was

10. But Bill was smarter than all the other creatures of God. And Bill said
to the User – Did God really tell you not to run any programs?

11. And the User answered – God told us that we can use every program and
every piece of Data but told us not to run Windows or we will die.

12. And Bill said to the User – How can you talk about something you did not
even try. The moment you run Windows you will become equal to God. You
will be able to create anything you like by a simple click of your

13. And the User saw that the fruits of the Windows were nicer and easier
to use. And the User saw that any knowledge was useless – since Windows
could replace it.

14. So the User installed the Windows on his computer; and said to the
Programmers that it was good.

15. And the Programmer immediately started to look for new drivers. And God
asked him – What are you looking for? And the Programmer answered – I
am looking for new drivers because I can not find them in the DOS. And
God said – Who said you need drivers? Did you run Windows? And the
Programmer said – It was Bill who told us to!

16. And God said to Bill – Because of what you did you will be hated by all
the creatures. And the User will always be unhappy with you. And you
will always sell Windows.

17. And God said to the User – Because of what you did, the Windows will
disappoint you and eat up all your Resources; and you will have to use
lousy programs; and you will always rely on the Programmer’s help.

18. And God said to the Programmer – Because you listened to the User you
will never be happy. All your programs will have errors. And you will
have to fix them and fix them to the end of time.

19. And God threw them out of the Data Center and locked the door and
secured it with a password.


A Great Writer

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire become a
great writer.

When asked to define “great” he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole
world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level,
stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!”

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.


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